A Necessary Hiatus

It's been a long, introspective hiatus since my last blog post in 2018. Life, as it often does, brought unexpected changes my way, demanding a pause and a recalibration. The end of my marriage in 2019 was an event that necessitated a period of soul-searching, reevaluating priorities and life goals. It served as a catalyst for a profound spiritual awakening, a mirror reflecting back to me the parts of myself I had long lost without even noticing.

Looking back, that time was incredibly meaningful in my life. My road suddenly ended, and I had to make a choice: quit or start over. For the first time in a while, I chose myself and started anew. With that came a great liberation: I got to decide which aspects of my life were meaningful and worth keeping, and which parts needed to go. This process, often considered complicated, felt surprisingly simple for me. Questions like, “Do I still want to live in the US?” and “Is Maine still the right place for me?” helped me reconstruct my life, piece by piece.

The Dawn of New Beginnings

I had initially studied psychology in college but drifted away from it, lured by the success I had in the business world. I was an entrepreneur and later a business angel, thriving in the fast-paced world of startups. Together with my team, we won the prestigious German Founders Award. Presented to us by the Federal Ministry of Economics and Technology, this was a recognition of our hard work and innovation. Yet, the constant rush left me yearning for a slower pace, a deeper connection with the world around me.

I decided to reduce my involvement and move to Ireland while I was still consulting for just a handful of clients. Photography became my creative outlet, a space where I could capture the world's quiet beauty one frame at a time. However, in 2019, I realized I didn't want to continue to pursue photography as a profession. That's when I returned to my first love - the human mind, heart, and soul - which led me to channel my energy into something profoundly rewarding: opening a private therapy practice.

Opening a private therapy practice wasn't just a career move, it was a calling. The experience has been transformative, allowing me to connect with people on a deeply emotional and intellectual level. I feel incredibly fortunate to support so many wonderful clients, and this practice has become my heart's work, a place where I can contribute to the well-being of others while also finding a sense of purpose and fulfillment for myself.

I regained my footing, and a new path unfolded before me. I met an incredibly gentle soul along the way and, fast-forwarding to now, have spent countless hours turning this house into a home, filling it with love, laughter, art, and yes, a plethora of cameras. At the beginning of this year, I became an American citizen, making this beautiful country truly my own.

As life has evolved, so have my priorities. I've decided to turn off comments on my blog posts. This is not a decision I took lightly, especially considering the level of engagement I used to have. I would sometimes receive hundreds of comments per post, a testament to the incredible community that once formed around this blog. However, I don’t expect much of that community remains after not engaging here over the past five years, and as my professional and personal commitments have grown, I no longer have the time to engage at that level. If you are still here, I hope you understand this change as a necessary step in my evolving journey.

A New Chapter in Photographic Exploration

While I am not quite able to travel as much as I used to, the itch to explore the world has returned with a vengeance. The wanderlust that once led me to the breathtaking landscapes of Maine is stirring again. I feel a sense of excitement as I think about the new impressions I'll capture through my lens. The world is a vast canvas, and I can't wait to paint it with the colors of new experiences.

My journey in photography has also taken a significant turn. I've restricted myself less, played more, and experimented with different formats. I've purchased a lot of different film cameras and I'm enjoying being playful and explorative with the medium again. I’m using my iPhone a lot and some of my favorite memories over the past years have been made with it.

I've integrated a Linhof 4x5 large format camera into my workflow, a decision that has fundamentally changed how I approach each shot. I think of it as the Hasselblad on steroids, this camera demands patience and precision. Each frame becomes a meditation, a slow dance with light, shadow, and composition. Shooting large format has rekindled my love for the tactile, hands-on nature of film photography, reminding me why I fell in love with this art form in the first place.

From Labs to Self-Reliance

I had already run into issues with my trusted lab scans when it came to printing my art large. Including large format introduced a completely new challenge: how to maintain consistency across all formats while the process for each is so different.

Switching to self-developing and scanning was the only possible way and a monumental shift. Initially, the challenges seemed insurmountable. Which chemicals to choose? How to control temperature without a darkroom? My first attempts, especially with color negative film, were far from satisfactory. I was overthinking the process, trapped in a maze of variables and options.

As I continued to experiment, I realized that simplicity was key. I've worked diligently on dialing in my workflow over the past few years. I'm finally at the point where I can develop and scan any format at home. Both 35mm and 120 formats are easy enough to be well-handled by a lab, but large format is another story. Consistency matters to me, and now I can scan my film on a comparatively inexpensive scanner like an Epson and achieve results that surpass the quality I used to only get from a professional lab. My go-to scanner is an Epson V850 Pro, and I still own two Kodak Pakons for 35mm.

One of the most challenging aspects of this transition has been developing a scanning process for color negative film that unifies my look across all formats. After months of experimentation, I've honed a workflow that captures the subtleties and nuances that make each shot uniquely mine. This has been a labor of love, a journey fraught with challenges but also filled with moments of revelation.

The main struggle was scanning color negative film. It took time to understand that the issue wasn't just the film or the scanner; it was the entire process. I had to unlearn what I thought I knew and approach color negative film from a fresh perspective. The results have been eye-opening. I've finally arrived at a workflow that allows me to achieve the color fidelity and tonal richness that I've always aspired to, no matter the format I’m shooting.

The E6 Revelation

Just when I thought I had explored all the avenues of film photography, I found myself adding E6 slide film. The beautiful colors and the immediacy of the medium offer a new set of challenges and opportunities. It's a different beast, but one that I'm eager to explore more of as I continue to evolve as an artist.

I was initially skeptical about E6, especially after Kodak brought E100 back. What I saw online didn't even come close to what I remembered from the original Ektachrome, let alone the iconic color palette of Kodachrome. Many E6 scans seemed harsh, blown out, with people approaching chromes like color negative film and draining them of their inherent vibrancy.

As I started to experiment with E6, I realized that the issue wasn't the film. Much of what makes E6 shine happens through exposure and development. It’s quite literally the opposite of color negative film in every aspect. Unfortunately, only a few people (and labs) seem to do justice to E6, but when handled correctly, slide film really shines. Processing and scanning it myself has added another layer to my photographic expression, one that I'm excited to explore further and share more about. I am still learning too.

The Road Ahead

As I sit here, reflecting on this transformative period, I'm filled with a profound sense of gratitude. I've navigated through personal upheavals, found a beautiful love, built a sanctuary called home, and evolved in my artistic pursuits. I've also been fortunate to find a local community of friends that has supported me generously. For all this and for the promise of adventures yet to come, I am deeply, profoundly thankful.

Life is a journey, not a destination. A song, not a race. It’s about accepting each experience as it unfolds and being curious what it can teach us. As I look to the future, I see a path filled with possibilities and opportunities for growth. Whether it's exploring new places, photographic techniques, or simply living each day to its fullest, I'm excited about what lies ahead.

This blog has been a chronicle of my journey, a digital scrapbook of thoughts, experiences, and lessons learned. I am excited to share with you here again. I hope to talk more about my process here when time allows, and showcase a few new projects I’m working on. While the format may change and the frequency of posts may vary, the essence remains the same - a quest for authenticity, creativity, and a meaningful life. Please know that your support and companionship on this journey mean the world to me.

A Journey Through Light and Shadow